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AU of SW and it's EU.
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Dooku: The Secret and Unknown Childhood Affairs of Qui-Gon Jinn. 
28th-Aug-2005 09:19 pm
Character: Dooku.
Timeline: Slightly pre-AotC.


I am hurt.

Apart from being the most hated being in the galaxy (although Master Sidious claims that this is good for my well-being), I am also one of the most lonely beings in the galaxy. It certainly does not help that your ex-lover best friend is lying dead in a preservation tank like a silly museum exhibit.

It's not as if he responds when you talk to him. Good ol' Sifo-Dyas. Not that he talked much when he was alive to begin with.

I tend to take pleasure in looking through my old stuff. Things, remnants from my existence in the Jedi Order... Memories of Qui-Gon Jinn.

Ah yes. Qui-Gon. My bestest, favourite padawan. Not the sanest being on earth, and certainly one of the most erratic - but it takes quite a lot of effort to hate him. After all, I spent a hell lot of years watching him growing up. It's difficult to forget little events like the time he nearly killed Master Yoda by mistaking arsenic for table salt.

To the relief of several members of the Council, it turned out that Master Yoda seemed to show no reaction to the poison. Unfortunately, he did have the tendency to walk around naked around the Jedi Temple for the next few months. Young Quinlan Vos had to be sedated and kept away from the corridors until we were sure that Master Yoda was finally back to his healthy self.

I personally find that the most memorable thing about my former padawan was how he refused to take baths. Now, I assure you that this is a normal phenomenon among children - but for young Qui-Gon, it seemed that every single bath was a battle to be won, and I had to make sure no one catched me in the 'fresher, wearing an apron and struggling to bathe him.

For the record, I am not a paedophile. However, if there is a medical term that can be used to describe a tendency to be sexually attracted to older men, it may be used in this context.

Ah, yes, happy times. I do remember that young Qui-Gon was like me, a radical. He firmly believed in the Force, not the Council. Who could? It was run by a mouldy tree stump who needed to get some fresh air for his own good. When Master Windu was appointed to the Council, I nearly laughed myself silly.

You've got to be kidding. These are the people they import into the Order these days. No wonder the Sith are getting more and more powerful by the day.

Jedi - 0, Sith - 1.

It's things like these that make me understand that while you can be the galaxy's most hated being, that doesn't stop you from having a good laugh or two.

I am happy.
Comments 
28th-Aug-2005 03:28 pm (UTC)
Young Quinlan Vos had to be sedated and kept away from the corridors until we were sure that Master Yoda was finally back to his healthy self.

Was there something going on there?
...

Where's Quin? Young Aayla Secura refuses to tell me. Master, with your surveillance cams you should know, right?

Bathing in the fresher makes the Force cry. We should all bathe in the swamps of Naboo where we can make friends with happy Gungans and return dirt and grime to the soil as nutrients (somehow). Master, maybe you should have had more Gungan friends. They can juggle with their tongues.
29th-Aug-2005 09:32 am (UTC)
No, Qui-Gon, gungans are a bad idea.

Besides, it's not as if your padawans can fornicate with them (with the exception of that... Xanatos, perhaps)
30th-Aug-2005 01:56 pm (UTC)
I have my reasons!
28th-Aug-2005 03:50 pm (UTC)
M. Dooku, it suddenly dawns on me why my own Master is so evil. *shudders*

(OOC: Caught, not catched)
29th-Aug-2005 09:32 am (UTC)
Master? Evil?

Nah. You're worse.
29th-Aug-2005 11:17 am (UTC)
I am the senior padawan of this, um, Thing. Respect me, for I am allowed to be evil.
29th-Aug-2005 01:13 pm (UTC)
Finally out of the fresher, are we? Your towel's dropping. ^^
29th-Aug-2005 01:16 pm (UTC)
*not looking!*
29th-Aug-2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
M., am still pissed with you over Obi. Stop using the Force to pull my towel down, and I'll consider not using force to punch your face in.
29th-Aug-2005 11:25 pm (UTC)
OOC: TIMELINE!!

IC: What? I'm just really in need of a fresher! You people spend about 3 hours each in it. The other one's all blocked up again. Remember what we found the last time the drainage was clogged?
PS: I'm not using the force. -swishes into fresher-
29th-Aug-2005 01:12 pm (UTC)
You're allowed? Since when did Qui-Gon say that?

...No wonder Xani has gungan feed in his room.
29th-Aug-2005 01:17 pm (UTC)
Xanatos is allowed to be, uh, "evil". Only in certain places, though. -smirks-

PS: So are you. And I for one know that you are.
29th-Aug-2005 01:19 pm (UTC)
Really, Master? Would you like to find out more about my... apparent evil?

You seem rather out of sorts today, Master.... Like a split personality, rather.
29th-Aug-2005 01:25 pm (UTC)
He just needs to talk to Master Vos.

Obi-Wan, you aren't evil. Not after I'm going to show all the viewers of HoloNet your collection of pink bunny cushions.
29th-Aug-2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
Pink bunny cushions, you say? On sale, are they? Some leftovers from kind donations towards the Jedi Temple Renovation Fund, we have. New cushions for new living quarters, we need.

Or, donations, young Kenobi would like to make?
29th-Aug-2005 01:36 pm (UTC)
Master Yoda, Obi-Wan makes pink bunny cushions so they can eat him...

... Don't ask.
29th-Aug-2005 01:27 pm (UTC)
Not yet, young Padawan. I'm currently deciding between Xani and Quin. Hohum. Getting coffee. (Don't tell Master Yoda. If anyone asks, say it's tree root tea mixed with mud)

Split personality? What are you talking about, Obi-Wan? When one has three padawans, er, USE YOUR INSTINCTS! COFFEE. -swishes off-

-wonders aloud down the corridor- Xani's out of the fresher, so let's say 2 hours? And then Quin? Maybe I could fit Obi in after dinner...
29th-Aug-2005 01:38 pm (UTC)
Master...? *shuffles feet*

Master Yoda just banned coffee. Martial law. Something like that. (It's okay, there's still one huge stash hidden under my bed)
29th-Aug-2005 01:44 pm (UTC)
I know, Padawan. Now give me that coffee. I'm confiscating it!
(Hehehe now I have even more coffee to stuff my mattress with) Um what? You heard nothing, Ani.
30th-Aug-2005 06:12 am (UTC)
That's okay. I did.

I'm such a bastard.
30th-Aug-2005 12:22 pm (UTC)
OOC: This is so, um, ironic? Refer to plotline in first post.
30th-Aug-2005 12:23 pm (UTC)
If you're referring to the 'bastard' bit... Yes. That was intentional.
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